


Strawberry Mentos

by ItsGatsbyNotGatz



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, FREQUENT USE OF THE F SLUR, First Kiss, Internalized Homophobia, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:46:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29253177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ItsGatsbyNotGatz/pseuds/ItsGatsbyNotGatz
Summary: Tsukishima likes his best friend. Really likes him. And for once he's ashamed of it, whether he should be or not.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 2
Kudos: 68
Collections: Tsukiyama Brainrot





	Strawberry Mentos

**Author's Note:**

> I know it's in the tags but I need to make it clear I really use the f slur like, a lot. if that bothers you, please know that I've warned you. I don't want to upset anyone

If pure joy was a person, Tsukishima was pretty sure that person would be Yamaguchi. He couldn’t quite put his finger on when, or why, but at some point, the other boy had stopped just being a friend. Every time he saw him, Tsukishima’s chest got so tight he was sure his heart would stop. 

He’d die if Yamaguchi ever found out. 

Which is why he feels like he’s going to pass out when he catches Yamaguchi buying a roll of strawberry Mentos in the convenience store. They’re his favorite candy. Did he ever tell Yamaguchi that? Does he know? He knows Yamaguchi doesn’t like them. Tsukishima knows he doesn’t like overly sweet things. He’s stuck there for a while, watching Yamaguchi smile at the cashier as he checks out, staring at him through his reflection, until it hits him.

A girl. Yamaguchi’s buying them because of a girl. They’re for a girl. They have to be for a girl, they have to be for a girl, they’re not for Tsukishima or Yamaguchi at all. And he’s almost convinced himself they aren’t for him until he sees Yamaguchi pop one into his mouth. He scrunches his nose and Tsukishima’s heart sinks. What is he eating them for if not to kiss her? Tsukishima makes eye contact with him through the window briefly. Yamaguchi’s eyes go wide and, oh wow, this hurts more than it should. So Tsukishima turns, all but running home.

He brushes past his mother when he gets home. He sort of hears her ask where the groceries she sent him out for are, but he doesn’t answer. He can’t stop to talk to her, _won’t_ stop. He won’t risk crying in front of her. He already feels hot tears burning his eyes. It’s stupid; he feels like an idiot. He doesn’t even know for sure why Yamaguchi was buying them. He usually doesn’t jump to these kinds of dumb conclusions.

Tsukishima feels like a moron, collapsing into bed, headphones tossed across the room and phone on the floor. He knows he’s soaking his pillowcase with tears and he doesn’t even know what he’s upset about. This is the kind of shit girls cry about. The kind of nonsense Hinata’s dumb ginger ass whines about after practice. He hates it, hates this feeling, doesn’t even know why he ever made himself think Yamaguchi could ever like him. Yamaguchi isn’t even fucking gay, what’s the point in working himself up about it? 

Tsukishima can’t say there’s never been a time he’s been ashamed about it. He keeps it to himself. It’s not like he can talk about it to anyone, and he doesn’t want to. He’s known he was… different since he was a kid. He just didn’t exactly think there was anything wrong with it until he saw a kid get beat up about it in middle school. So he’s been lying about it ever since, saying he doesn’t like any girls in school. Saying he doesn’t care about celebrity crushes since he’ll never date them anyway. Lies that he’s too focused on school to have a crush on anyone at all. He only gets away with that because he’s smart. But his eyes have always wandered to some of the boys in his classes. He doesn’t hate himself for it. He didn’t used to, anyway. But now? Seeing Yamaguchi buy a candy that’s probably for some girl? Tsukishima’s never hated himself so much. He hates it, he hates it, he hates it.

He feels stupid. He feels gross. At some point, he stops feeling heartbroken and starts feeling disgusted with himself. He sits up to wipe his tears. That’s enough of crying over- over a _boy._ God, what would everyone at school think? What would his family think? Tsukishima finds himself standing in front of his mirror, with red cheeks and still-wet lashes. The word is heavy on his tongue, catching in the back of his throat. It takes a few tries before he manages to get it out, and when he does, it’s laced with such venom that he almost surprises himself.

“Faggot.”

And fuck, if that doesn’t sting. It’s from himself, he knows that, but it still hurts. He scoffs at his own reflection and tries again.

“Faggot,” he spits. It hurts just enough for him to convince himself that he can’t cry over Yamaguchi even if he wants to. He wipes his eyes a final time and gets in the shower. 

He doesn’t really feel any better the next morning. He spits that word at himself in the mirror a few more times before leaving the house for school. He rolls it around in his head, trying to work himself up to actually like a girl. He’s not gonna be gay anymore. He isn’t. 

He goes out of his way to avoid Yamaguchi, which might be a little much. He tries not to glance over at him during class, and for once he’s glad they got separated at the beginning of the year for talking too much. He can see Yamaguchi trying to get his attention out of the corner of his eye. He also knows that the girl behind him has been staring at him for the last week. So when lunch rolls around, he immediately turns around to talk to the girl instead. He struggles to remember her name. Saito…? 

“Saito, right?” And oh man, is he putting a lot of trust in his memory. Luckily, she blushes and nods. “Do you wanna grab lunch together?” She nods again. Doesn’t she ever say anything…?

So Tsukishima ends up eating lunch with her, asking the most basic questions he can think of. What’s her favorite color? Pink (Yamaguchi’s is yellow). What’s her favorite subject? English (Yamaguchi isn’t any good at English, no matter how hard he tries). What’s her favorite food? Mochi (Yamaguchi’s is fries). Tsukishima tries so hard not to compare her to him, and every time he does, he mentally kicks himself.

 _Stop acting like a faggot,_ he tells himself. Saito doesn’t seem to notice that Tsukishima doesn’t really care about any of her answers. He tries to care, really he does, but he just doesn’t. He ignores it, and he asks her out that weekend anyway.

He dreads the date all week, and he tries to pretend that he doesn’t.

That Saturday, he gets dressed, only getting hung up when it comes to picking out a sweater. He almost picks the yellow one, and then realises it’s one Yamaguchi had given him. There’s a flower sewn where Yamaguchi fixed a hole. He picks the blue one instead.

_Faggot._

Tsukishima shakes his head to clear his thoughts. He gets to the cafe they agreed upon early. Saito ends up being about three minutes late.

“Sorry!” She tilts her head with a smile, pigtails swishing. She’s tied them up with pink bows. She’s got a dress on that Tsukishima thinks is probably way too short for the weather. Ugh, she’s probably gonna ask for his sweater… He gently tugs one of her pigtails, telling her it’s fine and that he doesn’t mind (he does mind). They find a seat inside and order drinks and cakes. Saito gets tea and something with chocolate, and Tsukishima gets his usual coffee and a strawberry cake. He almost orders for her before realising he has no idea what she likes. It’s quiet for way too long, and not in a comfortable way. God, this sucks. How does anybody do this?

It gets a little easier once they get their orders. Apparently something about her tea makes Saito chatty, because she starts asking Tsukishima all sorts of questions. About school, volleyball, his hobbies. It’s annoying. He answers them anyway, but he hates that she doesn’t already know. And of course she doesn’t, they barely know each other, but still. She’s not-

_Faggot._

Of course she’s not Yamaguchi. Saito is a girl. A pretty girl, one that Tsukishima is on a date with, because he’s not a fag. He’s not, which is why when she leaves her hand empty on the table, he reaches across to hold it. Her whole face lights up red as she squeezes his hand. Maybe this isn’t so hard. He’s getting the hang of it, kinda. Sort of. Not really. But that’s okay, as long as Saito’s a girl.

They end up just going on a walk, hand in hand. Saito has already mentioned how cold it is, so she’s got Tsukishima’s sweater draped over her shoulders, and Tsukishima is fucking freezing. But he won’t mention it. He gets the feeling it would kill the mood, even if he really doesn’t like that she didn’t just bring her own damn sweater (Yamaguchi would have). But again, she’s not Yamaguchi, because Tsukishima isn’t gay. 

This date is going on much longer than Tsukishima thought it would. It starts to rain, so they duck into a bookstore. Tsukishima’s fingers are starting to cramp a little, and his hand is starting to sweat, and he really wishes Saito would let go. But she doesn’t, not once as they browse the shelves. He stops paying attention to the titles in front of him, instead listening for the sound of rain to stop. Saito leads him around another shelf into a new aisle. He feels like he’s been here forever.

“Tsukki!!” Tsukishima’s head shoots up. In front of him is Yamaguchi, standing in the aisle holding a comic book. It’s one that Tsukishima read like a month ago. It was a little more popular with girls than it was with boys. The strawberry taste lingering on Tsukishima’s tongue bitters as he thinks about the girl Yamaguchi must be trying to impress. He ignores how his chest tightens at Yamaguchi’s smile and flushed face. “I didn’t know you’d be here too!” It’s then that Yamaguchi seems to notice the hand in Tsukishima’s own. “Oh! Hi, Saito. I didn’t know you and Tsukki were…” He trails off, smile faltering.

“Dating,” Tsukishima finishes, hand tightening around Saito’s. 

“Right,” Yamaguchi says. They just stand there staring at each other for an impossibly long time. Saito shifts, clearing her throat. She snuggles a little closer into Tsukishima’s side. Right, their date.

“Your face is all red,” Tsukishima says, glancing away from Yamaguchi. “If you have a fever, don’t leave the house. Idiot.” He tacks the last part on to make himself feel better. Yamaguchi’s gaze drops to the floor, smile turning sheepish. His hand flies up to rub the back of his neck.

“Sorry, Tsukki. I’ll- um, I’ll see you at school.” He brushes past him, not even giving Tsukishima a chance to say bye. Saito gives him a small wave. 

She doesn’t seem to have been put off by the interaction. It’s stopped raining, and Saito has traded holding hands for just looping her arm through Tsukishima’s. Thank god, honestly. He was getting tired of holding her hand, and this way he can shove his hand back into his pocket like he likes. 

He walks Saito home, surprised and slightly disappointed to find that she lives just down the street from him. They stand awkwardly in front of her house for a while. She tells him that she had a nice time, and thanks him for her tea, blushing the entire time. She seems to be waiting for something. Is he… supposed to kiss her? She tucks a strand of loose hair behind her ear and glances up at his face. Ah, guess so.

Tsukishima cups her cheek, and her eyes light up. He leans down to kiss her. It doesn’t last long at all. He doesn’t like the way the taste of her tea lingers on her lips, bitter and mixing with the taste of chocolate. It takes everything in his power not to turn his nose up.

“Bye,” he says, pulling away from her. He turns and walks the rest of the way home.

It’s only once he’s in bed that night does he realise he never got his sweater back. 

Fuck.

And of fucking course she’s wearing it at school after the weekend is over. Yamaguchi doesn’t even try to talk to him, which might be for the best honestly, because all of Saito’s friends have swarmed the two of them, insisting that Tsukishima has to eat lunch with them. They’re all pretty boring, giggling too much at anything Tsukishima says and insisting he give Saito a kiss before the bell rings. He really can’t avoid it without looking like a dick, so he does. A quick kiss, but it’s enough to get the taste of her chapstick stuck on his lips. Peach flavored. Gross… 

He thinks he sees Yamaguchi with another pack of strawberry Mentos, but he can’t be sure.

Saito insists on coming to watch volleyball practice so they can walk home together. Tsukishima wouldn’t really care, but she cheers every time he does something even remotely right. The rest of the team doesn’t seem to mind, most of them making kissy faces at him whenever Saito isn’t looking. Yamaguchi doesn’t even acknowledge her, instead leaving early from a stomach ache. Coach Ukai gives him a series of strange looks, and at the end of practice he nudges Takeda over, who pulls Tsukishima aside. He asks Saito to give them some privacy.

“Ah, you know, I- oh, I’m not really good at this, but… if you ever need anything, Ukai and I are here for you, you know? If you need to talk,” Takeda tells him. Tsukishima nods, thanking him quietly and excusing himself to go change. He doesn’t need some kind of weird sex talk from his volleyball coach. “About anything, Tsukishima! We’ll be here for you!” Takeda calls after him. Tsukishima doesn’t want to think about what ‘anything’ could mean, so he doesn’t.

Saito swings their hands together as they walk home. 

“Hey, Tsukki?” He wants to tell her not to call him that, but he refrains. “I was thinking… since we’re dating, shouldn’t you call me by my first name?” He glances at her. He has no fucking clue what her first name is. “Hasumi?” She supplies. He nods.

“Hasumi,” he tries. She smiles, but she’s still looking at him expectantly. Right…

“Kei,” he says simply. Hasumi beams up at him. They stop in front of her house and she leans up to give him a quick kiss.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. Bye, Kei.” With that, she turns and goes inside.

Tsukishima ignores the way he fucking hates how she says his name.

The next few days pass like that, and it turns into weeks, and then their one month rolls around and he’s already exhausted of this. He misses Yamaguchi, even if he doesn’t want to admit it. It’s like they don’t get along at all anymore, to the point even Tanaka is scolding them for arguing on the court. Hasumi is at every afternoon practice, and he feels like he does worse every single time she’s there. She doesn’t notice, but his teammates do, and everyone is getting tired of her cheering every time Tsukishima so much as looks at the ball. She started saying she loves him a few days ago, and Tsukishima’s playing has been even worse since then. Yamaguchi keeps getting sick during practice, and that makes him even worse. 

“You were so good today, Kei!” Hasumi is on him as soon as practice ends, kissing his cheek and leaving a waxy chapstick mark behind. “I love you so much.” She snuggles into his arm and Tsukishima feels like he’s losing years off of his life. Are relationships supposed to be this draining?

“Hey. Tsukishima, come here.” He turns to find Coach Ukai standing with Takeda by the gym doors, putting his earrings back in. He mumbles a quick apology to Hasumi and peels her off. He feels like he’s gonna get yelled at. He’d deserve it. His playing is shit and his attitude is worse. Takeda places a comforting hand on his shoulder and leads him away from the doors. The two of them stand as if they’re trying to block Hasumi from seeing what they’re saying to him. Good. She’s already nosy enough as it is. Takeda is the first to say anything.

“Um, there’s really no easy way to say this, and it’s very unprofessional, but-”

“You need to break up with that girl,” Ukai says, rubbing a hand over his face. Tsukishima feels both relieved and terrified. He’s not sure what the second emotion is about, though. “Look, kid, I really don’t care what you do or who with-”

“Ukai!” Takeda already looks like he’s gonna pass out.

“But you can’t keep stringing that girl along, especially when it’s screwing up everyone’s playing.”

“I’m not stringing her along,” Tsukishima says, trying not to wince. It doesn’t even sound convincing to himself. 

“Yeah, right. You’re not exactly subtle with the way you look at Yamaguchi,” Ukai answers flatly. Takeda smacks him in the arm, but Tsukishima’s heart has already stopped. No. No, no, no, no, _no._ Does everyone know? Oh god, he’s gonna get kicked off the team. He’s gonna get bullied; they’re all gonna hate him. How is he supposed to tell his family? Fuck, he can’t breathe. 

“Tsukishima? Tsukishima, just breathe, it’s okay.” Somehow, he’s on the ground, knees stinging from where he’s collapsed. Takeda and Ukai are knelt in front of him, concern written over both of their faces. Tsukishima shakes his head. It’s not okay. What the fuck makes his stupid teacher think anything is ever gonna be okay? Everyone’s gonna know that he’s a faggot. Yamaguchi is never gonna talk to him again-

“Oh my- kid. Kid, fuckin’ look at me.” Tsukishima only manages to make eye contact with Ukai because he’s never heard him swear before. He tries to blink tears out of his eyes. “I’m gay. You’re fine.” Well, that’s certainly enough to at least put a halt to Tsukishima’s panic attack. He glances between the adults in front of him. Takeda gives him a half smile.

“Both- both of you?” Takeda nods.

“You’re not in any kind of trouble,” he says, voice soft. “I promise you, neither of us is angry with you. We know what it’s like to be where you are.” Tsukishima looks away.

“I had a crush on my best friend in high school,” Ukai says. He glances back up. “Yeah, that shit’s scary, alright? But this thing you’re doing? You’re only gonna hurt somebody.”

No, he doesn’t get it. It’s not the same, it’s not.

“Tsukishima, I promise you, if Yamaguchi is really your friend, he’ll still want to be friends with you. And if he’s not, that’s okay too. You’ll make new ones,” Takeda says. He hands Tsukishima a handkerchief. The adults seem to decide that’s the end of the conversation and help him up. Tsukishima starts towards the club room to change, but hesitates.

“Can I- can I tell you something?” His heart is still beating a million miles a minute, but the tiny smile he gets from both of them calms it a little.

“Of course,” Takeda says, “tell us anything.” Tsukishima tries to swallow the lump in his throat.

“I’m gay,” he says, barely a whisper. Ukai gives him a pat on the shoulder.

“I’m proud of you,” he says. “Go get changed.” And that’s that.

The club room is as loud as it always is, Nishinoya and Tanaka shoving each other around, Suga scolding them. Yamaguchi is still here, fidgeting with his uniform like he’s never held it before. He needs to get changed and go, Hasumi is waiting for him. Guilt turns his stomach. He clears his throat instead of walking to his locker. Somehow, this manages to get everyone’s attention.

“I-” he hesitates. Despite the fact that he’s only ever really rude to these people, he can’t imagine losing any of them. He glances at Yamaguchi and looks to the floor. “I’m gay,” he spits out. He doesn’t look up. He’s waiting for a punch, or for disgust, but it’s quiet. He holds his breath.

And then he’s being hugged so tight it feels like his ribs will crack. It’s Suga, gripping the back of his shirt.

“Thank you for telling us, Tsukishima,” he says. What…?

“Me too,” Daichi says, zipping his jacket up. 

“Cool,” Tanaka says. And then Suga is back to gathering his things and that’s it. Ennoshita offers him a water bottle and Nishinoya slaps him on the back. Is that it? It’s been that easy this whole time? It’s like none of them care who Tsukishima likes, or what gender they are. 

He’s slow getting dressed, not wanting to confront Hasumi. Suga and Daichi linger, waiting for him to finish up. 

“How’d you know?” He blurts out when Daichi asks if he’s done. “That you were- I don’t know what-” Daichi holds up a hand. He’s got a knowing look on his face.

“I fell in love with Suga our second year and realised I like guys.” Tsukishima blinks. Suga doesn’t seem surprised by this news at all, not even looking up from his phone. “We’ve been together since. I thought everyone on the team knew we were together.” Tsukishima isn’t sure if he can learn anything else today.

“Oh.” He feels like an idiot. It really didn’t matter this entire time? He’s so stupid.

“You should tell him,” Suga says. He holds Tsukishima’s bag out to him. “But for now, can you hurry up? I’m starving.”

Tsukishima is quiet the entire walk home. He pulls his hand away when Hasumi tries to hold it. They slow to a stop in front of her house. 

“Is something the matter, Kei?” 

“Don’t call me that. We should break up,” he says, hoping she doesn’t ask why. But of course she does. “I’m gay.” Maybe he could have worded it better, because she slaps him in response and storms into her house crying. Well. At least she didn’t try and convince him otherwise. 

It’s the first night in a while he genuinely sleeps well. It’s the first time in a month he doesn’t insult himself in the mirror. Instead he’s gentle with himself.

“I’m gay,” he whispers to himself. A little louder, he repeats himself. “I’m gay.”

“Oh, Kei…” Tsukishima whips his head around, making eye contact with his mother. Fuck. He may have been able to tell the team and break up with his girlfriend, but he isn’t sure he was ready for his family to know. 

“I-” he starts to try and backtrack, to try and cover it up, but she just comes over to him and pats his cheek.

“Sweetheart,” she starts. Tsukishima swallows hard. “You know I love you no matter what, right?” Tsukishima nods and bends down so she can kiss his forehead. He’s lucky. He’s so fucking lucky, and he knows it. He knows not everyone is this lucky. He knows about the kids who get kicked out, or converted. But of course his mom doesn’t mind. Tsukishima feels lucky for the first time in months.

He looks for Yamaguchi as soon as he arrives to the gym that morning. He barely has time to glance around before Yamaguchi is slamming into his chest with a hug. He feels tears soaking into his shirt. Green hair tickles his chin. He squeezes Yamaguchi back so tightly. Fuck, he missed him so much. Yamaguchi pulls back and punches him in the arm.

“You idiot! You could have just told me instead of avoiding me this whole time! I thought you hated me!” Yamaguchi rubs his tears away. Tsukishima finds himself rubbing the back of his neck.

“Yeah… sorry, Yamaguchi.” Yamaguchi cracks a watery grin at him. Tsukishima thinks that everything might be okay.

He takes that back as soon as class starts. Saito dumps his sweater on his desk.

“Here,” she says. “I don’t want a fag’s sweater.” It’s not like she says it particularly loud, but she’s got a lot of friends, and they’re all loud mouthed, so by the time the final bell rings, Tsukishima’s been insulted more than a few more times. This is the part that he forgot about. The hate. The sneers. The way everyone either stays away like they’ll catch something or purposefully ram into him. He tries not to let it get to him. It’s just a bunch of stupid high schoolers. Takeda doesn’t let it slide, of course, and that gives him a little hope. At least he won’t have to deal with it at practice.

He thought he wouldn’t, anyway. There’s a small group of kids hovering by the door. Tsukishima tries to ignore them. But their stares are getting to him, if he’s being honest. He hates suddenly being in the spotlight. He jumps for a block a second too late, and the ball hits the floor behind him. The kids watching snicker amongst themselves. He thinks he can ignore it, until-

“Of course the faggot can’t play right.” Tsukishima tenses. He sees Suga start towards them and Ukai get off the bench, but it’s someone else who’s voice rings out.

“Don’t fucking talk about Tsukki that way.” Yamaguchi, who isn’t particularly loud and who never really picks a fight. Yamaguchi, whose hands are fisted at his side. He’s shaking a little. _Don’t,_ he thinks. _Please, Yamaguchi, don’t._ The fact that it’s Yamaguchi who spoke up shocks the kids into silence long enough for Ukai to shoo them away. Tsukishima can’t stop looking at Yamaguchi for the rest of practice. 

They walk home together for the first time in a long time. Yamaguchi has plans to spend the night, and Tsukishima really couldn’t be happier. Neither could his mom, apparently, because she sweeps Yamaguchi into a big hug and tells him how much she missed him, with a very pointed look in Tsukishima’s direction. 

Yamaguchi has had a drawer at Tsukishima’s house for a while, and Tsukishima is glad to see it getting used again. They always shared the bed before, but Tsukishima hesitates before getting into bed this time. Which is dumb, it’s his own bed, but still. 

“Tsukki? It’s fine, you know.” Yamaguchi always seems to know what’s wrong before Tsukishima even says anything. 

“I- I have something to tell you,” he say, slowly. Yamaguchi laughs.

“I already know you’re gay, Tsukki. And it’s fine. I, um. I also… like guys…” Yamaguchi looks away then. Oh great. Now it’s really awkward.

“Okay. But I like _you,_ ” Tsukishima says, because that’s easier than standing there quietly. Yamaguchi snaps back to look at him, face bright red. “I want to go out with you.” Yamaguchi blinks at him, once, twice, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide on something to say.

“Tsukki…” He says, eyes tearing up. Tsukishima starts to panic. Fuck, he’s said something wrong. Done something wrong? But Yamaguchi grabs the front of Tsukishima’s shirt and pulls him into a kiss. Tsukishima’s glasses shove up against his face, and their noses bump, and their teeth click, but it’s Yamaguchi. It’s so Yamaguchi that it’s a little overwhelming. They pull apart from each other a little sooner than Tsukishima might have liked, but he’s so out of breath that he isn’t sure he would have survived any more of it.

“Is that a yes?” He asks, breathless. He doesn’t know if the tears on his cheeks are his or Yamaguchi’s. When Yamaguchi laughs, it’s so light and airy and overjoyed and Tsukishima’s chest tightens in a now pleasantly familiar way.

“Yes,” he says. “ _Yes,_ Tsukki, of course.” 

When they kiss again, Tsukishima realises that Yamaguchi tastes like strawberry Mentos. Maybe everything will be alright after all.

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I have such fucking tsukiyama brain rot and I wanted to make it up to myself for writing my last one because it made me sad !!! also I don't wanna think about my medical bills so instead I'm gonna focus on my love for Tsukishima


End file.
